This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Community Corner

Temper, Temper: How to Handle a Public Outburst

How do you deal with your child's not-so-private tantrums?

We’ve all been there. One minute, your child is fine—the next, they’re out-dramatizing most of Hollywood with their shrieks and wails. It’s one thing at home, but quite another at a community venue that values “inside voices.”

So, what do you do when your kid throws a very loud, very public hissy fit?

Our local Moms Council weighs in.

Find out what's happening in Encinitaswith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Carol Yeh-Garner: When my kids were younger, I would take them to the car and let them calm themselves down. Now that they're 5 and 7, they don't have tantrums much anymore. But when there is the occasional fit, it depends on where it is.

My daughter recently had a temper tantrum when we were trying to get family pictures done. At first, I had her sit in my lap, but it wasn't calming her down. So, I took her outside the room, sat her down, told her I'd be standing nearby, told her I was sorry she was having such a hard time and when she was ready to be calm, she could come talk to me or come back into the room. It took a while and thankfully, there weren't any other people in the room she was crying in.

Find out what's happening in Encinitaswith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Jennifer Zeglen: My kids never did the drop-on-the-floor-and-scream-their-heads-off kind of thing that some parents have to deal with (luckily!).  

I think the key is consistency. I respond the same way at home or in public (except I act a little calmer in public). I remind them why I said "no" (or whatever other reason they are upset), remind them that they are acting inappropriately, and then try to redirect them to something positive. Sometimes that positive thing is a treat in the store, but more often I try to make it a game they like playing like "Who can find a letter 'A' first."  

Anastacia Grenda: My 4-year-old is a petite little thing—but she has lots of lung power if she's displeased with something. If there's a tantrum, I try to take her out of the situation, or at least try to hug or carry her to make sure she feels reassured.

Her preschool has been emphasizing how to express feelings, so lately I've noticed that instead of just crying or screaming, she'll say "I'M MAD!" or "THAT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!" which gives me a point of reference to try and talk to her about why she feels that way and see if we can calm things down from there. But sometimes you just need a change of scenery and some diversion to get back to normal.

Ray Pearson: It was a shocker when my oldest son acted out in the middle of a grocery store with the two other siblings when he was 11 years old. No warning, no previous behavior—no training for the situation.

Anger was my immediate response, which was not the best, but I learned from that experience about how to do a time out in a public environment: Find the nearest restroom.

Also, ask whether there are other issues going on with him. I later discovered that was part of the problem. It’s hard to distinguish a tantrum in public from a call for help.

Judy Halter and Edie Sanchez: When children erupt into temper tantrums in a public space, it feels embarrassing and uncomfortable. Help! I have to make this stop!

Do: Stay calm.  

Do: Try to get the child away and into a quiet space such as a restroom, car or the other end of the soccer field. 

Do: Try to quickly figure out the cause. 

Don't: React with anger and name calling.

If it is something physical such as being tired, hungry, sick or on sensory overload, remedies may be more easily at hand. 

If it is for attention, stay calm and disengage. 

If the child is testing you, respond kindly and firmly. 

If the child is frustrated in a task, help them take a break.  

Remember: The child is communicating something and it is up to us to translate. We are also always teaching our children with our reactions and behaviors.

Meet our moms (and dad):

Genevieve Suzuki has one 2-year-old daughter. In addition to having her own law practice, she writes feature stories for Encinitas Patch. She is also the author of "The Original Poi Cats on O'ahu," a children's book published in Hawaii.

Anastacia Grenda is mom to a 7-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter who never fail to make her laugh every day. She is a longtime writer and editor.

Carol Yeh-Garner is the mom of a 7-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl who are constantly teaching her how to be a better person. She is also a local HypnoBirthing instructor and HypnoFertility practitioner.

Jennifer Zeglen is a mom to two imaginative girls, ages 4 and 6.  She is also a local naturopathic doctor with a family medicine practice.

Ray Pearson is the father of three children, ages 26, 23 and 17. He lives with his wife in Carlsbad and devotes most of his nonwork time to young people and the Rotary Club.

Judy Adams Halter and Edie High Sanchez are certified Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) instructors with a combined 50 years of parenting experience. Halter is the mother of four children, ages 21, 19, 17 and 14. Sanchez has two grown daughters and three grandchildren; two girls, ages 1 and 5, and a boy, age 7. Both women live in La Jolla.

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?