Years ago, I knew a 16-year-old who didn’t much like his father. They seldom talked when they didn’t argue. So the boy left home and, when he turned 17, joined the Army. His father signed the forms, and the boy was gone. After the Army, the boy went to school, got married, moved two thousand miles away and saw his father two or three times a year until the boy moved to the West Coast, his father moved to Florida, and they saw each other only once every few years, until Thanksgiving, 1994.
The call came, as they often do, very early in the morning. A plane ride to Tampa; rental car to a St. Petersburg hospital; and a silent, last visit that lasted less than an hour. The father was blind, tubes in his throat and nose, and a mask for oxygen his lungs were too damaged to use. They couldn’t talk any better than when the boy was 16. “I love you, Dad,” the boy-man said to his father. I think I felt his hand squeeze mine, and he was gone.
Mothers are easy to talk to. My son tells his mother everything. She’s the caregiver, the clothes buyer, the homework helper. They talk and talk. I was the same with my mother. Mothers deserve their Day. I’m not sure about Fathers’ Day.
This Father’s Day, I’m going to spend the whole day talking to my 16-year-old. I’ll follow him around; he’ll think I’m a pest. Maybe he’ll hear me, he may even talk back. But, I’m still learning to talk to my son. It will take more than just a day.
Jac Flanders is the author of “What I Learned On The Way Down,” eBook and paperback versions from Amazon.com.
My father died when I was barely twenty, it was at the height Viet Nam war. Needless to say we had our differences about the war, as most families during those troubled times did. He died suddenly in the middle of the night and we never had a chance to heal those deep wounds. Forty years later and I still carry that. So for those of you lucky enough to still have a Dad please take the opportunity of Fathers day to tell him how you feel, he won't be here forever.
I disagree about the part where you are not sure that Father's deserve their day. Fathers and Mothers are different, and a story of one failed relationship is not representative of all Fathers. There is a reason why it takes a man and a woman to reproduce. Dads, for the most part, are not wired to be maternal. My father worked hard all day to provide for my family. We were not rich by any means, and we were frugal enough that my Mom did not have to take a job. When Dad was not at work, he worked on the house, the yard and the cars. Even though my Dad was busy, some of my favorite childhood memories were with him - mostly fishing and camping. Mom stayed home, it was not her "thing". Throughout history, tens of thousands of Dads in the military have sacrificed their lives and are deployed for months at a time away from their families for our great nation. They deserve their day. Speaking for myself - I do not need a special day for my child to celebrate a day for Father’s. I do want Father's Day to thank my Dad. Though he was not around a lot, he was busy providing. Also, he was not much of a talker, homework helper or clothes buyer - he was a great Dad nonetheless. He taught me the value of honesty and hard work. Dad, you deserve every second of your Day! I love you so much.