The Holy Ghost is a Tea Party Republican

Fear’s the thing: There’s this spirit guy in the sky who is omnipresent, even in the bathroom when you’re doing something you shouldn’t. He, or it, knows. It’s watching. So clean up your act. (Grandma said you’d go blind.)

There just isn’t enough fear in the world!

War, murder, Muslims, politicians – that’s not enough? I’m just saying that when I was a boy, the threat was fire and brimstone when you die, and then, for all eternity. They needed an omniscient all-powerful spirit to scare you while you’re still here.

No, no, you say, that’s old fashioned thinking. The real guy in the sky is benevolent. He forgives you as long as you behave in the bathroom, go to church on Sunday, and vote Republican.

You find this blasphemous? Offend your superstitious soul, does it? Well, I didn’t make it up. You’ve heard the above and worse in almost every church, synagogue, mosque, and evangelicalsundaymorningtvshow on the planet.

Out there today, in the 21st century, you’ll find city councilmen, US congressmen and presidents who claim to believe in an invisible God and a Holy Ghost that’s all over the place. They must, or they can’t get elected. Four of the Republican candidates for president during the recent primaries claimed to know the world is only 4,000 years old, and that men walked around at the same time as dinosaurs. Fred Flintstone for President! We elected a president as recently as Ronald Reagan who sang the same song. And he’s a kind of god to most Republicans.

Personally, I find such people offensive, insufficiently educated, irrational, and downright scary. They go to Tea Parties, and have to ask for forgiveness every time they leave the bathroom.

We only have a few days left to save our souls. Quick, pour the Tea Party down the drain. That’s the spirit.