Health & Fitness
Teen Suicide: A Death of a Bright Future
In the wake of a local teen's tragic death, I did some research about teen suicide. Remember suicide is a choice. Let's give our teens and young adults a different choice. The choice to live.
Last week, some residents woke up to heartbreaking news. A local teen committed suicide. I have never met the young man, but I cried for his loss. As a mom, I can't bear to think of the wake of pain he left behind. Such a permanent solution to a very temporary problem. I don't know what drove this young man to this one final act. However, suicide is the third leading cause of death in teens. While it is mainly associated with mental health disorders (depression, bipolar disorder, etc.), it also can be spontaneous. Far too often, young teens take their lives because they feel overwhelmed from a specific instance such as a romantic breakup, the death of a relative/friend, school problems and social problems.
I do not know the circumstances surrounding this young man's death. The sad irony of it all is that one day this young man decided that he could no longer go on with the issues that he was facing. Now an entire community has to learn how to face another day with one less hopeful future. Who knows what this young person might have accomplished if he didn't give in to his demons. He could have invented the next new technological gadget, cured cancer, run for president, started his own business or taught high school English. He might have composed a beautiful song, wrote the new American novel, painted a picture or simply spread happiness with his smile. He might have met a fantastic person with whom to share his life. Had children of his own. Traveled the world. Been a friend to many. Perhaps even an inspiration to others. He might have done thousands of things. However, we will never know his true potential. And neither will he.
Suicide doesn't solve problems. It just creates more. In an attempt to educate teens about what they leave behind, Tony Salvatore wrote a memo to "Any Suicidal Young Person" (1999) in hopes that reading his words, other teens might reconsider their actions and possibly save themselves and their loved ones a lifetime of unnecessary pain and loss. Here is an excerpt:
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Dear Teen,
Loss is what happens to someone when you die. (My son) Paul's death left me incomplete. It tore something out of me and I will never be the same again. Loss isn't passive or arithmetic — subtract one son. It's active, it grows, it's a "black hole" that pulls everything in. I'm not whole and the hole won't close.
Pain comes on when loss starts boring into your soul. It gets worse as the inescapable reality of what happened sinks in. Then it becomes chronic. It still hurts, but in a different way. There are times when it still gets very bad. It's always there. It's something that I live with. Something that I don't need or want. Dealing with pain has nothing to do with being strong — nothing about this has made me better or stronger. It's totally crushed me. My memories hurt, my thoughts about my son's suffering hurt, the futility of his death hurts, seeing what it has done to my family, places that I associate with him hurt, interests that we shared hurt, seeing things he liked hurts, enjoying anything hurts, watching other men with their sons hurts, any family event hurts, holidays hurt, the anniversary of his death hurts, looking at anything that belonged to him hurts, and hearing about somebody else's kid doing it hurts too, a lot.
Sure, you know about a "world of hurt." But the hurting just spreads out after suicide. I don't know how your folks will feel if they lose you, but I know for sure that it won't be good. You think nobody cares? Think that they won't notice? Listen: It's not what you think of them. It's what they think of you. You may not feel that they care, but you could be, and probably are, very, very wrong.
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Suicide is like that bunny on TV — "it goes on, and on, and on and just keeps going." Somebody said that those who complete suicide "leave their psychological skeletons in the survivors closets." One thing's for sure, suicide always leaves something messy, awful, hurtful, and unending behind. Suicide does nothing but screw things up for everybody forever.
But all of this isn't about me. Its about you. Get some help NOW!!!! You don't have to die. Don't do it. Live!
Suicide is a choice. And I think that is what needs to be emphasized. We can't prevent this one loss suffered in our community, but hopefully we can stop future acts in our community and beyond. We can start by being kinder to one another, more tolerant and more observant. Look for signs and take any of them seriously. Studies show that four out of five teen suicide attempts have been preceded by clear warning signs. Don't feel afraid to bring up the topic of suicide with your teen. Even if your teen does not show any signs of depression or suicidal thought, your discussion will show them that you care about them and that they can approach you about similar issues. It is important to remember that any hints about suicide should be taken seriously. Ask questions now. Don't have any regrets later. Some common signs include:
- Throws or gives away important possessions
- Withdrawing from family, friends, favorite subjects, activities
- Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
- Begins to neglect hygiene and other matters of personal appearance
- Complaints of aches, fatigues, migraines
- Hard time concentrating and paying attention
- Declining grades in school or loss of interest in schoolwork
- Complains more frequently of boredom
- Does not respond as before to praise
- Behavior problems and/or problems at work/school
- Having several accidents resulting in injury. Close calls or brushes with death
- Symptoms of clinical depression
- Statements about hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness. Example: "Life is useless." "Everyone would be better off without me." "It doesn't matter. I won't be around much longer anyway." "I wish I could just disappear."
- Verbal hints about a specific plan. Example "I want you to know something, in case something happens to me" or "I won't trouble you anymore."
- Preoccupation with death. Example: recurrent death themes in music, literature, or drawings. Writing letters or leaving notes referring to death or "the end." Talking or joking about death.
- Suddenly happier or calmer after a period of depression
- Self-destructive behavior or risky behavior
If you know someone who you think is struggling, talk to them. Get help. There are many resources available. The National Suicide Hotline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 1-800-SUICIDE. The hotline was established in 1999 as part of the Kristin Brooks Hope Center. You can also read more about suicide, depression, and helping those who are affected at on the center's website at hopeline.com.